R ARIVANANTHAM
Singapore-based NRI Mala Mahesh shares her thought-provoking book on stigma of women & childlessness in her second book, a fiction titled ‘PADMA’ with www.navjeevanexpress.com Executive Editor R Arivanantham.
The book is all about trauma of a woman facing on child bearing in 1990 in a remote village in Kerala and another woman living in Mumbai urban culture.
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She took 11 years to complete the book. Excerpts of the interview:
Question: What made you to write this book?
I wrote the first draft for this book long back but had been busy with work and other priorities. Around May 2020, I restarted this book again with a new focus to complete the writing and editing to get it ready for publishing.
Q: Why did this subject interest you?
My grandmother told me about some true-life incidents on the issue of infertility. From those times to now, a woman’s worth is judged on their capacity to bear children. They were blamed and shamed for something beyond their control. Between the couple, the problem could lie with the man, but they would refuse to accept that fact. I felt it was unfair to pin the blame on women for this condition and wrote a story on how this situation could impact a woman’s feelings, psyche, and family.
Q: Why did you choose two women after so many years apart?
The taboo surrounding infertility is as prevalent now as it was before. I felt using two different time periods would make the story relevant through its comparisons from then tonow.
Q: Why is this issue still touchy?
Perhaps, because it’s not really understood. People feel embarrassed or uncomfortable to talk about their body and its problems, especially in front of others. For generations, society believes that childbirth comes naturally to woman. Hence, there’s a feeling that you’re not good enough because you can’t do what comes easily to your family and friends.
Q: Is it lack of thinking or understanding?
I would say it is lack of understanding. Many people do not realize difficulties surrounding childbirth are rather common. Also, these issues are not the result of certain lifestyle choices that a woman or man has made.
Q: How does it affect modern women?
Since not many people openly speak about this topic, women with this problem suffer alone. Their loneliness and sense of shame, which is unjustified, is a heavy burden to carry.
Q: Do you offer a solution?
Often such problems are caused by preconceived notions, laced in patriarchy. Therefore, a straightforward solution seems elusive. I feel it would perhaps help to be honest with yourself, as to what you really want? Then communicate it with your partner, family, or friends or if you feel comfortable, speak to a therapist. It could help in easing the loneliness and self-doubt. This is purely my view.
Q: How can this problem be overcome?
To have a child or not, is a very personal decision. There’s no right or wrong answer. The best way to overcome this problem is communication and support from family and society without judgement.
Q: Did anyone else help you with bringing out this book?
I’m lucky to have the support and guidance from my husband Mahesh, my children Mithila and Murli, and my son-in-law Ajay. Certain terms and content in my book had to be checked and verified for accuracy. I’m grateful to Mithila, a clinical psychologist, Murli, a lawyer- in-training, and my sister-in-law Sumitra, a medical practitioner, for their valuable advice. I have received input from a few close friends on traditional Kerala architecture, as well as feedback on the structure and pace of my story.
(Author Mala Mahesh is the Director, Transworld Logistics, Singapore PTE LTD)
